Celebration. I’m not the life of the party by any means. If you know me in real life you know that I am fun loving and bubbly, but reserved and cautious. If I’m going to tell you a story about celebration I’d most likely be most comfortable sitting cross-legged on the floor somewhere casual, telling you about my heart and just how full it is.
As I laid Hudson down next to me after a short 2am nursing session the other night, I took a second to look over my little family before turning off the lamp. Paityn, passed out with her arms spread out across a good portion of our full-sized bed, caught my eyes first. Despite the lack of room that I now had to sleep on, I felt a surge of love for her that I hadn’t felt before. There’s something about those post nursing sessions in the middle of the night that cast a lovely glow on everything in the room. I survey all her features — the curve of her neck, her sweet relaxed shoulders, the way the shadows fall on her eyelids, and how even in the near dark her lips are clearly pigmented. I make a mental note to help support her so much that I can help her act as sweet during the day as she looked in that moment. I look over finally to Landon, thinking about all of his help that night alone. I send a cheesy text then quietly lay down, hoping the notification sound doesn’t wake him up and that he’ll see it when he wakes to run in a few short hours.
As the week went on, thinking back to those few minutes at 2am, I realized it wasn’t just that magical hour that had a lovely glow to it. When I think about other portions of our life they look just as lovely through my eyes.
I’m fortunate to not have the mindset or fear that can set in when one realizes just how good life — that surely a setback must be around the corner. Rather I know how bleak things can be, and have been for us at times. I seek to celebrate when things are good. We just passed the two year anniversary of when our relationship turned a beautiful leaf for us as a couple and for our little family of three. — I think back to that phase of life and the unwavering hope and trust that I had in our future. Through lots of tears at the time I knew and trusted the promise that there were good things up ahead for us. That life would return to normal, a new and improved normal! But I had no idea what to picture.
And then here were are. Back in the state of Utah that quite literally make my heart flutter. With two sweet daughters. Landon working for an outdoor company that he loves. Family nearby and friends to play with at the park during the day. Adventures almost every night. Laughter and the sound of us cheering on our toddler when she poops on the toilet or picks up a new word. Taking too many photos and getting attached to them all. Shared dinner at a dining room table that Landon cooks nightly. I’m not sure how my 2013 self would feel about that one though. I’m sure I would’ve hoped I’d have gotten it together by now. ;)
More than anything if I could go back and show that worried wife and new mom one thing, I wish I could somehow show her just how full my heart is now. I picture holding out my hands with a literal heart in my them; healthy, beating and so alive. I know that I would cry as I earnestly shared about how good life would be in just two short years. That I know her pain, oh how I know it. But I know of an even better joy now, and that I’m absolutely soaking it up and enjoying every moment of it.
Just as much as my heart relaxed when Landon and I started dating every time that he’d refer to a future event he wanted to do together, signifying that our feelings were mutual, my heart has been able to relax knowing that this happiness has a future.
Now, If you’re going though a rough patch I hope you’ll trust me as I hold out my hands to you too, sharing that I promise there is goodness up ahead. That there will be more to celebrate than you can even imagine. I hope that you feel buoyed up from time to time when you hear it from me. And if you’re in a similar joyful phase of life I hope that you’re taking the time to celebrate the good, without reservation.
I am so honored to be a part of the Sakura Bloom Sling Diaries for the 6th Volume. This is my first entry and I will have the chance to share on a few different topics over the next 5 months. I hope that you’ll enjoy following along as I share the stories that are uniquely ours. You can follow along with other sweet mamas here. This sling is C/O Sakura Bloom + is their classic linen in Cedar. Top: Cotton On Pants: Gap Sandals: BC Footwear