Week 30: Our 3 lb Cucumber [& Birthing Class]

Ah, 30 weeks as of today. Saying that I have 10 more weeks to go make it sound like forever. Saying that I am 75% of the way done on the other hand sounds beautiful to me. I’ll be sticking with that for now

This past Saturday Landon and I spend six hours at the hospital for a birthing class. It was their last class for the year so luckily it worked for our work schedules to go, but man there were more people there than I expected. Felt like a full college class, just with a parade of pregnant women who make frequent breaks to use the bathroom.

Landon just so happened to live tweet the event and I just so happen to enjoy his tweets. It’s almost like we took notes or something:

“Time for a birthing class since pushing humans out of women’s lady parts isn’t completely natural 
Not enough teen moms at this #BirthingClass. I was hoping for some real life #TeenMom drama
Our hospital has never had an issue with people trying to steal babies. Thanks nurse, that’s a comforting feeling.
If your late for you’re #BirthingClass don’t come, your child will forever be a failure just like you.
Birth plan? Does telling my wife to push until it pops out count? 
Who was Braxton Hicks and how did he get his name on something associated with pregnancy? That’s embarrassing.
“Fentanyl is a hell of a drug.”
“Pooping during labor is natural.” Quote of the day.
The “kiwi” vacuum for delivery. It tastes nothing like a kiwi however. It’s a misnomer.
The baby sometimes shoots out like a t-shirt from a t-shirt cannon.
The vocal representation of sex and birthing by women are very similar. What does that say about either activity?
The nurse just said vag exam. Awesome.”

an hour long lunch break:
“Nothing like #CostaVida after watching videos of live births. Some things just really get my appetite going.”

Then right back into information overload. and tweeting. with shorter attention spans than earlier:
“#BirthingClass evaluation. Yeah Judy is the cute nurse giving part of the class. She’s like 60.
Why would one have a placental abruption? If you use a lot of meth or cocaine. Oh the life changes we make for babies.
Not sure why there is a single guy, all by himself, is at this #BirthingClass. Don’t you know, bring your own date.
What is the term for dad’s bellies that grow like their pregnant counterparts? Scientific term: Sympathetic Bellyosis.
This #BirthingClass is cutting into my afternoon nap time, and even worse, my frog racing tournament time. Love watching those green guys.”

Luckily it wasn’t too long after that tweet that we got to start the hospital tour. [I’m still not quite sure what he meant by frog racing tournaments]. At this point I had gone from excited at the beginning, to nervous during presentation/labor video [ew.] and was stoked to see the rooms and feel ready to give birth at the hospital here. Unfortunately I felt uneasy about the rooms, nursery, percentage rate of c-sections and just their setup in general.

Now we get to continue the discussion of if we want to try and plan to make it to another hospital the day of delivery. Lately, included in that discussion is if we want to try a water birth in the hospital. That usually gets shot down by either one of us after about, oh, 9 seconds. We shall see

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